Kill Myself
by Warriorgirl Maoh
Summary: "My loyalties to... Yuuri are merely tied to a shadow of the past. While you, Wolfram... you're everything I want!"    A KenXWolf drama. Contrary to the title, this isn't a fic about suicide.


A/N: Basically, Wolfram and Ken are lovers but now, Wolfram has to marry Yuuri. Please read and review! ^^

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"You could tell him 'no'. You can decide things for yourself, after all. Something like this, most especially." Ken Murata never sneered, he never raised his voice, but he didn't have to. Even without looking at the sage, Wolfram could hear, could FEEL the cold anger, the indignant rage that was kept under leash only because of a millenia of practice.

"Your excellency." He says the title as emotionlessly as he could, in the way that he knows the sage hates, in the way that causes the beautiful dark boy to flinch. "I cannot betray Yuuri. My loyalty is stronger than my selfishness." He says Yuuri's name lovingly, allowing the blank, hardened look in his eyes to soften for that one moment. Wolfram know Ken Murata well enough to know how to incite just the right dark emotion. The sage's body tenses up even more and his already dark eyes narrowed to a deadly midnight black. Oddly enough, Wolfram finds himself reminded of all those times that Yuuri turned into the maoh.

The sneer was audible in Ken's voice now, although the words came out as more of a vicious hiss. "What happened? What happened to the stubborn, prideful prince that I know? The one who would NEVER give up, the one who would always, ALWAYS fight for what he wants and never let anyone get the better of him?" Ken moved closer to him. So close that he could feel the other boy's unusually dark aura, feel the hot breath on his nape as he turned away from him, refusing to look at the beautifully dangerous dark orbs.

So fierce. So very fierce. The similarities between the sage and the maoh were so very striking but... -Wolfram thought with a small suppressed shudder as Ken wrapped his arms tightly around him, crushing their bodies together-... so were their differences.

Lips pressed themselves at his hair, at his neck, branding the skin of his nape in a fevered kiss. "Tell him no. It's not a betrayal. Only a refusal. Tell. Him. No."

His words burn themselves through Wolfram's mind. It's not that easy. It's not that simple. And Ken was making everything so much more complicated, so much more painful by holding on to him like this. The only way, Wolfram knows, is to MAKE him leave. To make the sage hate him to the point where he would let him go and never comeback. Never run after him again. He turns Ken's earlier words against him. His heart tearing at the pain of what he will say but his mind knowing enough to strengthen his resolve.

"What happened?" He whispers vehemently. "What happened to the ever loyal best friend that I know? That Yuuri knows? You broke his heart before, when he thought that you betrayed him. What do you think will happen to him if you, if we ACTUALLY do so? Can you really bear that, sage? Could you really be so selfish?"

The arms drew tighter, pushing his back against Ken's chest till he could barely breathe. "Perhaps I am." The words run a shiver up his spine and he suppresses another one as Ken makes a trail of kisses along his neck, his back. Those lithe fingers making their way to Wolfram's collar, deftly removing his cravat and unbuttoning his jacket. "What happened, Lord Bielefelt? YOU did. YOU happened. Shinou was the Daikenja's sun and his emotions were strong enough to carry over to each of us, reincarnations, until we found our OWN sun. My loyalties to... Yuuri are merely tied to a shadow of the past. While you, Wolfram... you're everything I want!"

The sage might as well have kicked him in the gut for all the effect that his words had on the blonde. To say that he was shaken to the core was an understatement, his strength lapsed into nothingness and Ken knew it. The sage could always read him like a book. The arms that were wrapped around his torso moved to his shoulders and in a swift motion he found himself pushed against the wall, trapped beneath Ken's hold.

He lets the sage kiss him, lets him roam his hands feverishly over Wolfram's clothed body. His own hands simultaneously pushing and pulling Ken away but he doesn't kiss him back, because if he does then they may never end and they HAVE to end. They were never even supposed to begin. Ken's lips move to his open collar, branding the smooth, white skin. Teasing him to lose control and succumb. Oh how easy that would be... Ken's hands move lower, unbuttoning the white shirt that Wolfram wore underneath. Wolfram's hands tremble as he clutches at Ken's hair and jacket. "N-no... stop. Ken...!"

But Ken doesn't stop and Wolfram realizes that he can't. Because he's leaving him and that this was worse, so much worse than anything because Wolfram would leave him but he'd still be around. He'd always be there but Ken would never be able to reach him, never hold him again, never talk to him in the say way that Wolfram loves so much. If only he hated him...

A strangled sob escapes his lips as he desperately pushes Ken away, harshly shoving their bodies apart.

"Why?" Ken whispers, his delicate features contorted in pain and wild grief. "Tell me why, Wolfram! I deserve at least that much!" He's shouting now, losing control in a way that he never thought would happen. His hands slam on the wall behind Wolfram, savagely crushing their bodies once more.

Something clicks inside Wolfram, as if the anger in the sage's voice was a switch that turned on something dark and heartless within him. He keeps his eyes on the floor, his bangs covering most of his face as a coldness descends upon him, erasing all emotion.

"No. You don't. You don't deserve anything."

Ken ignores him, his demeanor once again that of an adoring lover, kissing him softly on the lips. "I don't believe you truly think that. I know you love me."

The love in his voice, the tenderness and devotion pains Wolfram so much more than if Ken had declared him scum - but he keeps on... He has to make him want to leave and he steels himself to look into the others eyes, vibrant green meeting fathomless black.

And then dementedly, he finds himself laughing. A cheerful, carefree laugh that shocks the sage and makes him involuntary step back. "Yes. It's true." Wolfram finds himself saying. "I don't truly believe that and I really do love you, but don't you see, your highness?" Laughter wracks his body once more, a high clear laugh that one would hear during summertime and best days. "Yuuri matters so much more." he extends a hand to cup Ken's cheek and he's horridly delighted that the other boy stops him.

Light glints off the sage's glasses, hiding his yes as he looks down at his hand clasped over Wolfram's wrist. A childish impulse grabs Wolfram to bend down and peer curiously at Ken's face, trying to see his eyes.

"Hmmmmm...?" the prince murmurs coquettishly, waiting for the sage to respond.

Their hands fall apart as Ken lets go. Wolfram still cannot see his eyes and he knows that he has won. He keeps the same inane smile on his face as Ken walks out the door and out of his new life. Wolfram wills himself to feel triumph, triumph that he was able to make him leave, triumph that he has broken, killed and possibly, damned both of them, perhaps for all eternity. And maybe someday, if Yuuri gets tired of him and rejects him... Maybe they can begin again and life would be real once more. Until then... he won't be Wolfram.

-Fin-

A/N: Oh gods. *headdesk forever* That was horrible. Sorry for the crappy ending. My muse died in the middle of the story and I just wanted to finish it. Please help me correct it and make it better. MUCH better. MUCHMUCHMUCH better. MUCHMUCH—okay, you get my point. Please review! Thanks!


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